Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
