you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Mom said you looked used
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
