Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
