The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
