I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
