Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
