It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
