Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
