Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
