Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
