I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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