So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
