Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Drake has all the answers
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
