i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize