"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
