you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
