I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
