:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
