you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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