I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
