she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
