Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize