reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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