I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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