wakey wakey hands off snakey
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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