he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
