no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
