Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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