she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
do nipples grow back?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
