i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
