tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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