There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
