im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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