Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize