I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
