the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
