Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
