Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
