A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
