so explain again why im purple
no
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
