i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
