i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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