I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
