i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
