it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
