I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
