i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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