I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
