plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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