grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Randomize
