seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
