I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
