remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
