My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
