You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
