just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
