Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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