i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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