I seem to have left my pride at pride
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
