She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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