Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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