I just pynch a tree in the face
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
