My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
4 words: hood of his car
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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