Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize