you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
