I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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